Niste ganduri despre curatenie

March 27, 2017 § 5 Comments

Nicicand nu m-am mai simtit atat de stapana: pe corpul si mintea mea, pe casa mea. Astazi am fost la control si se pare ca bebelusa e in block-start, totul e pregatit pentru ca lucrurile sa decurga ca unse (pun intended ;). Eu cred ca energia extraordinara din ultimele saptamani (luni?) de sarcina le este data femeilor pentru ca ele sa realizeze cat de incredibil de puternice sunt. Cel putin eu asa ma simt: increzatoare si puternica.

Am chef sa fac din casa mea o mica bijuterie, vreau sa o fac sa straluceasca din toate partile. Da, curatenia, ordinea ma fac sa ma simt bine, organic bine. Imi place sa gatesc, sa fac lucruri bune pentru noi. Sa am o fata de masa curata si o vaza cu flori. Si niciodata nu m-am mai simtit asa limpede la cap. 🙂

Nu astept sa fiu inteleasa de altii. 🙂 Oricum, probabil ca in cateva zile toate astea se vor schimba si ma voi uita la aspirator ca la un obiect strain. :))) Imi e clar ca pregatesc un cuib: aruncam, construim, spalam, lustruim si stergem si e o placere extraordinara in asta. Scapam de tot ce e ne-esential pentru a face loc unei fiinte minunate.

Am urat dintotdeauna sa calc. Mi se pare o pierdere de timp si nici nu ma pricep (probabil exista o legatura cauzala intre astea doua ;)). Imi place sa port haine calcate la dunga, dar procesul in sine mi se pare plictisitor si oarecum greoi. Avea mama o cunostinta care calca de la prosoape la lenjerie intima si sosete. Tot acea femeie schimba prosoapele de la baie zilnic si mai facea inca cateva lucruri care mie mi se pareau incredibile. Insa in casa ei ma simteam minunat – si oarecum stingher.

Mai tarziu, cand m-am mutat la Bucuresti sansa a facut sa ajung intr-o zi in locuinta unei vecine care m-a invitat la ea. Ei, si cum sa refuzi invitatia unei doamne onorabile? Tin minte si acum sufrageria: lumina amiezei care cazea piezis pe masa din lemn masiv, decorata cu un mileu mare, in mijlocul caruia trona o vaza cu garoafe. Simplu si elegant. Praful era sters, mobila era putina dar comoda. Acele fotolii pe care sunt sigura ca le stie toata lumea, dar bine intretinute. Cateva carti intr-o biblioteca, un serviciu de cesti intr-o vitrina si un televizor. Pe jos, un covor in ceva culori caramizii care se vedea ca fusese aspirat si curatat bine. Ei, dupa cateva minute doamna a venit de la bucatarie cu o tavita pe care asezase o ceasca cu cafea aburinda si o felie de placinta cu mere. Scena aceea mi s-a parut Paradisul. Simplitatea absoluta a unei dupa-amieze tihnite, cafeaua cu caimac intr-o ceasca cu margini aurii, o prajitura de casa. Si vorba simpla si blanda a unei doamne trecuta prin viata. Timpul a stat pe loc in acea dupa-amiaza, intr-o sufragerie cu garoafe rosii.

Cred ca cu sau fara hormoni, curatenia din casa mea va fi mereu importanta pentru mine. Casa mea e templul meu. Calcatul rufelor poate fi meditativ (totusi, prosoape nu cred sa ajung sa calc vreodata). Frecatul faiantei la fel. Si da, stiu ca as putea sa imi folosesc acele ore intr-un mod mai productiv. Insa ma intreb: unde gonim in halul asta? Unde o sa ne duca atata ‘productivitate’?

Pe mine curatenia ma calmeaza si ma limpezeste. Pe voi?

Cum am invatat sa nu imi mai cer scuze

January 21, 2017 § 7 Comments

Am fost educata sa muncesc pana imi sar capacele, sa fiu independenta, corecta si… modesta. Ati observat cum oamenii modesti muncesc de doua-trei ori mai mult decat cei care isi cunosc foarte bine valoarea si nu ezita sa se auto-promoveze?

Sindromul impostorului

E atunci cand ai impresia ca nu meriti deloc ceea ce ai. Cand crezi ca de fapt esti un impostor care a ajuns unde a ajuns printr-o lovitura a sortii si noroc nebun si ti-e teama ca mai devreme sau mai tarziu, toti vor realiza ca esti de fapt incompetent si mincinos.

Nu cred ca trebuie sa va mai spun ca pentru a compensa ceea ce ei considera ‘realitate’, oamenii care sufera de sindromul impostorului depun eforturi considerabile la serviciu (la fel si in viata privata). Sunt genul de oameni care nu isi asuma meritele, care nu cer nimic, care isi ingroapa frustrarile sub un munte de tacere. Atunci cand compania o duce prost, sunt primii care tremura crezand ca vor fi concediati. Cand compania o duce bine, sunt ultimii care cer o promovare sau marire de salariu.

Categoria cea mai afectata de sindromul impostorului sunt… femeile. Va surprinde?

Atunci cand iti ceri scuze, again and again

Acum patru ani si jumatate mi-a fost oferit ‘jobul vietii’. Si chiar a fost jobul vietii, pentru ca am invatat enorm atat in privinta meseriei in sine, cat si in privinta relatiilor dintre oameni. Odata cu acest job am inceput sa deschid ochii cu adevarat si sa fiu mai putin naiva si credula.

Ma simteam norocoasa 🙂 ca mi s-a oferit aceasta oportunitate extraordinara si am muncit cat mi s-a cerut si inca de trei ori pe atat. De fiecare data cand lucrurile nu mergeau perfect, luam totul asupra mea (chiar daca nu era responsabilitatea mea absolut deloc) si sufeream enorm. Inima mea si viata mea apartineau acestui job. 🙂

Dar mai mult decat orice, imi era teama. Imi era teama sa nu dezamagesc, sa nu supar, sa nu fiu ‘the bad girl’. Stiti ce mi-a spus sefa mea de atunci? ‘Your biggest problem is that you want to make everyone happy’. Oh, si cata dreptate avea… Desi ea insasi profita enorm de pe urma acestei trasaturi ale mele. 🙂

Aveam un client extrem, dar extrem de dificil pe vremea aceea. Omul aducea o gramada de bani firmei noastre, dar era de o calitate morala foarte joasa, unde mai pui incompetent… Am inghitit multe din partea lui si am considerat ca e normal. Pana la urma, a face compromisuri de dragul de a pastra relatii armonioase cu clientul era prioritatea 0, nu?

Imi incepeam unele emailuri cu ‘I apologise profusely for this, however…’ Dupa care scriam cum vom face noi eforturi supra-omenesti sa compensam si reparam. Desigur, proiectul acela a fost unul dintre cele mai profitabile din firma noastra. Dar astazi as proceda cu totul si cu totul altfel.

Cum am renuntat la a-mi cere scuze

Intr-un final, am acceptat ca ceea ce faceam, persoana care eram era in profunda antiteza cu valorile mele. Nu mai cred, asa cum o faceam odata, ca oamenii ar trebui sa fie corecti si printre noi zboara inorogi, insa una dintre valorile mele fundamentale ramane respectul – cred cu tarie ca ne datoram noua insine si celorlalti respect. Astazi imi cunosc limitele mult mai bine si sunt mai capabila sa le impun in relatiile cu ceilalti.

Si nu doar atat: astazi sunt mult mai constienta de ce si cat valorez. Am invatat ca exista o diferenta intre a fi respectuos si umil. Ca a fi impaciuitor si ‘amabil’ nu ii face pe altii sa te respecte mai mult, ci dimpotriva. Am invatat ca e esential sa fii ferm si sigur pe tine. Nu este vorba de ego, ci despre a fi corect fata de tine insuti, a-ti cunoaste valoarea si a ti-o asuma in totalitate.

A durat ceva sa ajung aici si mai e mult pana departe. Dar astazi nu mai sunt atat de usor impresionabila si intimidata, ci ma simt mult mai stapana pe mine insami si mai matura. Invat sa raspund calm, dar ferm si… cel mai important lucru este ca nu mai tin mortis sa fiu placuta de toata lumea.

Este atat de eliberator sa nu mai vrei sa fii ‘the good girl’! Presiunea si stresul se disipa si ma pot concentra pe a-mi face treaba foarte bine si pe a-mi asuma cu echilibru si seninatate efortul, meritele, greselile si lectiile invatate.

Astazi nu-mi mai cer scuze pentru ceea ce nu sunt, nu mai cred ca nu merit si ca sunt inferioara. Astazi invat sa ma bucur din plin si sa-mi asum ce sunt si ce pot!

Life by design

December 8, 2016 § 3 Comments

Nu traim o eternitate, si totusi de multe ori, mergem prin viata ca si cum avem la dispozitie un numar nelimitat de zile. Angoase, suparari mai mari sau mai mici si peste toate, sentimentul ca viata noastra nu ne apartine, ca traim in dictatura. Va e cunoscut scenariul?

Ideea asta nu e noua, dar totusi o sa o scriu aici: suntem mult, mult mai liberi decat credem. In functie de ‘contractul’ pe care il semnam, e musai sa facem anumite chestii: sa hranim si sa avem grija de copil, sa tinem seful fericit, sa sarutam barbatul, sa fim alaturi de prietenii nostri. Dar… e viata noastra si altceva decat o suma de constrangeri asumate?

Eu indraznesc sa spun ca da. Am numit acest articol ‘life by design’ pentru ca nu ma pricep sa traduc in romana expresia asta. Si eu, ca si altii ma simt uneori sufocata de cate am de facut si as vrea sa fug, departe de toti si de toate. Apoi respir adanc si imi amintesc cat ‘spatiu de manevra’ am. Ziua mea e alcatuita dintr-un numar imens de mici alegeri care au o putere foarte mare.

La ce spunem DA pentru a putea spune NU?

Cand spunem ‘da’ unei optiuni, spunem ‘nu’ tuturor celorlalte.

Aleg sa beau cafea dimineata, deci zic ‘nu’ cestii de ceai. Aleg sa mananc salata la pranz, deci elimin pizza si friptura. Aleg sa aman toate sarcinile la serviciu, deci zic ‘nu’ timpului liber din week-end cand va trebui sa recuperez. Aleg sa imi petrec toata seara in fata TV-ului, deci nu ma mai fac sport si nu mai vorbesc cu prietenii mei. Zic ‘nu’ tuturor tentatiilor din vitrine pentru a zice ‘da’ unei vacante lungi in Norvegia. Si tot asa…

Ce inseamna life by design?

Inseamna ca dimineata cand ma trezesc imi imaginez ziua care tocmai incepe ca o panza alba pe care incep sa adaug elementele pe care mi le doresc. Totul porneste de la o intrebare simpla: cum vreau sa ma simt de-a lungul zilei? Cum vreau sa ma simt in seara asta, cand merg la culcare?

Acel ‘cum vreau sa ma simt’ va determina multe dintre alegerile mele pe parcursul zilei. De la ce mananc la micul-dejun, pana la hainele pe care le voi imbraca, cata apa voi bea, felul in care imi voi aborda seful si ii voi raspunde sotului la o replica acida etc.

Iti propun un exercitiu:

  1. Dimineata (dar poate fi orice moment al zilei in care simti nevoia sa dai un reset) ia-ti 5 minute sa iti imaginezi cum vrei sa te simti la sfarsitul zilei.
  2. Cand iti imaginezi sfarsitul zilei si starea aceea, cum te simti? Cum te vezi? De ce e important sa te simti asa?
  3. Ce anume trebuie sa se intample ca tu sa te simti astfel? Care sunt elementele puzzle-ului pe care trebuie sa le reunesti? Concret, care sunt pasii pe care trebuie sa ii faci?
  4. Respiri adanc, zambesti pe dinauntru si pe dinafara si treci la treaba.

Concret, sa luam o zi de-ale mele: ma trezesc si imi doresc ca la sfarsitul zilei sa ma simt satisfacuta ca am avut grija de mine si mi-am indeplinit cu brio sarcinile, nelasand nimic important sa astepte. In timpul zilei, vreau sa ma simt energica si prezenta, plina de ganduri bune si optimism. E important pentru mine sa fac toate astea ca sa simt ca nu am trait degeaba :), ca am o viata cu miez. Si e si o chestiune de respect de sine.

Ca sa se intample toate astea, am nevoie sa mananc ceva nutritiv la micul dejun, sa ma hidratez bine-bine de-a lungul zilei [aici poate urma o insiruire de actiuni concrete, gen: o sa tin o sticla de apa langa mine si voi bea la fiecare 30 minute, la pranz voi manca o salata cu…, imi voi lua ca gustare o mandarina si cateva nuci etc.], sa imi notez prioritatile zilei si sa verific cat am progresat in fiecare ora. Pe urma, am nevoie sa fac o ora de miscare si sa ma ocup de celelalte lucruri de pe lista de to-do. Si tot asa…

Ce se intampla, de fapt?

Acest exercitiu nu e despre a visa cu ochii deschisi si atat. Procesul de reverse engineering ne ajuta sa identificam acele actiuni concrete care ne vor face sa ne simtim intr-un anumit fel – in acel fel dorit de noi. E vorba despre a realiza ca avem atat libertate, cat si responsabilitate asupra propriei vieti, ca putem imprima propriul ritm vietii noastre. Si oh, avem atat de multa putere si energie creatoare!

lac

The awakening.

November 29, 2015 § Leave a comment

The skies are still cracking open making room for a new morning to unfold. I’m already up and sipping my lemon water, feeling the bliss of the day with every ounce of my being. I lit a candle and wrote down the intention for the day:

to give love and peace and understanding to every human being that will cross my path today. to do good. to create and nourish my body and my mind. to nurture a sense of safety, belonging and kindness in my home, with my loved ones.

With this I take a sip of coffee, lace up my shoes and run out the door. Our house is in the heart of the woods, somewhat secluded but still  easily accessible. This place is everything I really wanted – I get so much inspiration from being in nature every day! From the terrace I can see the mountains and it takes me exactly 10 seconds to be with my beloved pine woods.

I run every day, for at least an hour. I wake up early because I need this time to myself – this is when I create, this is when the world shows its magic. I’ve come a long way with exercise – from not being able to run more than 8 minutes at a time, I now run at least 2 marathons per year and lift weights. We’re still in the habit of playing squash once per week and I can tell I have gotten so much stronger and agile! Very often I find myself on the mat doing yoga – and what joy this is!

When I’m back home, I finish my coffee and smile. Yes, smile. My life is perfect with all of its imperfections. I am grateful for everything. So, so grateful! So I sit down and write for a good 40 minutes, without stopping. I just let it all out, like a big breath out. Sometimes the breath is a sigh, sometimes it’s a yawn, sometimes it’s a shout. I let it all out.

trees

I’ve established a coaching practice. I doubted myself so much but I still made it happen. The foundation for this is solid: to allow the person in front of me to open up, to listen without judging, to create a safe environment where they can say what needs to be said and do what needs to be done. I’m there to listen, to hold a mirror, to ask questions, to be quiet, to serve. Clients come to my ‘office’ – we have coffee or we go for a walk. Sometimes they want to do gardening with me, sometimes they just want to sit on the floor in my office. I’m pretty casual. Sometimes I’d have a coaching call while lounging in my PJs. 🙂 I lend my clients books, or sometimes offer them gifts. A gift could be a dozen freshly baked cookies, or a spa voucher, or my shoulder to cry on.

liliac

I also travel; I’ve always loved going places and meeting new people, but I’ve learned my limits early on and I respect them making sure to balance travelling with being at home. I get invited to conferences as a guest speaker or I give key notes at universities. I also work in the corporate world – something which I know consider a house of cards. It makes me smile when I enter an office in a skyscraper; what used to intimidate me now makes me laugh. I’m going easy on myself and it’s probably because I’m so relaxed and happy-go-lucky that I’m also very successful and well respected. Money is not an issue, so it just comes to me and I’m really good at managing it. I have a great executive presence – when I enter the boardroom I know I am being noticed immediately.

Being a coach in my private practice or in the corporate world allows me to touch lives, to hold people’s hearts in my palms even if for just a brief moment. I crave that intimacy, the moment when we both ‘know’. I’ve learned that when people feel you ‘get them’, that’s when they start opening up their wings and living to their maximum potential, extending it every day. Sometimes though I can’t do much because the person in front of me is a rock and it would take years for my ‘water’ to be able to carve out anything in them. And that’s okay, I no longer take such instances as a personal failure. I don’t take it personal anymore.

apa

In fact, both success and failure are external to me. I don’t judge my life or others’ life in this binary fashion. Rather than that, I ask myself and them: ‘Are you living according to your own values? Does your heart sing with joy or wallow in sadness? What needs to change in your life so that the melody of your heart can change too?’. I’ve learned that achieving balance in life is one of the most difficult, but also most beautiful quests. I no longer struggle in that quest. I simply live.

I’m writing a book. In my head I’ve been writing books for a long time. I don’t entertain the thought of my book being a best-seller (but it might as well as be). Instead, my intention is to create space, allow oxygen, encourage expansion of the heart and mind. With a little bit of kick and sassiness, because after all that’s who I am, and a whole lot of mystery.

noi doi

Life has been and continues to be so good to me – an outpouring of love, chances to learn and stretch myself. What a priviledge to be alive and marvel at all this! Slowly being born with each passing moment, slowly dieing, so I lift my head up to the sky and give thanks for everything.

cerul

Celebrating 29. The more-than-perfect weekend in Leukerbad

October 1, 2015 § 4 Comments

I always seem to fall behind with travel recaps. We have have been away so much this year but there is no rendition of that on the blog.

So here’s what I can commit to:

  • Recap of our get-away in Albinen
  • Hike in Montriond
  • Vacay in Corsica
  • Holidays in Portugal

From now until the end of the year we have much more travel planned, so I’d better keep up to date with our whereabouts. 🙂

I owe the last weekend to Elvin. He booked the most gorgeous place ever to celebrate my birthday for what seemed like the most romantic and pampering get-away. To get to Albinen we took the highway that passes Lausanne and Montreux. I’m always so impressed with the views, they never get old!

montreux

Demeure des Elfes is perked up high in the mountains in a village called Albinen. The first time we went there was 3 years ago when I was still living in London. I adored the place and promised myself that one day I would come back. That day was my birthday this year. 🙂 Albinen is  a 5 minutes drive from Leukerbad, which prides itself with the oldest spa in Switzerland. Between the gorgeous nature and the more than perfect weather, we knew we were in for an amazing weekend. 🙂

As soon as we arrived at the cottage, Thessalia, the daughter of the owner greeted us with a home-made aperitif.

primire

We had booked the same room as the first time and… it was just as I remembered it… only better. The entire cottage has been refurbished and redecorated and it was simply perfect.

obersoncamera

I squealed when I saw the view from the balcony – it was truly breathtaking. The skies were clear, the mountains were standing tall and it was so incredibly p e a c e f u l.

balcon

view1

From the balcony we ran to the terrace, which had been completely re-done. The garden was in bloom and there were pumpkins hidden in the dense patches of grass. Also… a hammock!

garden 2hammock

We spent some time marveling at this incredible place but then it was time for dinner. We decided that a festive dinner was in order and chose La Croix Federale in Leukerbad. Upon getting there we realized we had been to the same place 3 years ago – quite the serendipity. The menu was full with delicious suggestions and we opted for an assortment of deer and game, plus local beer. We loved this place and would come back any time!

Driving back to Albinen we experienced the most serene, almost uncanny night. We stopped on the side of the road to look into the starry sky. The whole scenery resembled that of a movie… and yes, that is to be experienced and seen with your own eyes. No pictures here.

Back at the cottage we sipped on some of the 10 year old port which we had brought with us.

porto

We slept like babies and woke up to this beautiful breakfast.

brekkie 2brekkie

We had planned a most amazing hike (and long, and difficult) for today: the Gemi pass. Described as the classic among the classics, this hike did not fail to disappoint. We departed around 11am and came back at 19.15.

Some technicalities: the hike starts in Leukerbad and after ascending for seemed like forever 🙂 we reached Daubensee. This was the longest and most difficult stretch of the hike. It was probably what also killed my legs for days after the hike.

hike 1 hike 2

hike 3Daubensee is at the border between the mountains in Valais and the Bernese Oberland. A very strange-looking lake… but beautiful in the sunlight!

lake

And perhaps here’s where we under-estimated the difficulty and length of this hike, as we decided to keep going to Berghotel Schwarenbach. The way there was mostly descending and we never regretted our decision for a second, especially given the amazing food we were served there:

gulas

elvin food

tarta

The hotel looked really splendid and we agreed it would be amazing to spend New Year’s Eve there… one day. 🙂

pumpkin

By the time we set off again it was 16.15 and we knew the descent to Leukerbad was going to be technically difficult. Luckily I had my batons (best purchase ever) but to be fully honest, I was relieved when we set foot in Leukerbad again, as darkness was falling.

After a long, hot bath (ahh the bathroom at Le Demeure…) we slept soundly and woke up to a beautiful array of foods for breakfast the next day. I took a million pictures of the cottage, and what seems like 2 millions on the terrace where we sipped our coffee

terasa 1

We  had a hard time saying goodbye to our dear hosts, who generously offered me a jar of home-made confiture as a birthday gift. Sooo lovely of them! I took one last picture and we were off…

demeure

… to the spa. We had debated whether to go straight home or make a detour. Our muscles definitely thanked us for the hours spent in the amazing water and lovely sunshine. It was simply out of this world and we agreed that Leukerbad is probably one of the best maintained spas we have experienced.

view spa 2 spa 2 spa 1

We agreed that this weekend has probably added years to our life. 🙂 I am very grateful to Elvin for making this possible and… can I just say that I would like to spend my 30th birthday exactly in the same place, and in the same company? 🙂

The end. cer

Lately

August 21, 2015 § Leave a comment

So what’s new pussycats? 🙂 Here’s what I’ve been up to lately:

  • Working towards the goals I listed here . This has been going quite well and I’m happy to report I’ve crossed most of the goals off my list. And let me tell you, it has been incredibly satisfying. One thing I’ve learned though is to break the bigger and more challenging goals into incremental steps that I can spread out across a few days / weeks. Since we are getting married next year 🙂 I was thinking to do an actual Wedding project plan that I would post here on the blog, with updates, challenges and trivia. How does that sound?
  • Fitness – I came across this thing which immediately sparked up my interest. Don’t Break the Chain is a technique which was apparently developed by Jerry Seinfeld. The idea is to work daily towards a goal and never take a break. On a calendar you put a tick against all days when you worked toward that goal and a cross on the days you didn’t. This visual aid is a great motivator to not break the chain. Over the last few days I’ve tried this concept with the goal of working out daily – it worked really well except these past 2 days when I have been feeling sick. But now I’m ready to get back at it! This technique is easy, competitive and fun.The benefit is not only working towards a goal but habit-formation, which is crucial. If this continues to work well I might have to dedicate a separate post to it.
  • Healthy eating. I’m happy to report my monster hunger has subsided and I have been better about eating. Still craving snacks in the evening, still eating when I’m feeling stressed, but less than before. I’m also getting better about meal prepping and planning. The next goal is to start incorporating more smoothies in my diet – I love their taste, and they are super healthy and filling. Breakfast today was a melon-spinach-lemon smoothie. Delicious, but it would have needed some fat and protein for more staying power. Note to self: stock up on avocadoes, chia seeds and hemp seeds.
  • juice salad
  • Driving. Phew, I finally got over myself and went to register for the theory test. Even this was a big step for me – a mental one. Now I need to get my act together and rock this. But studying is my thing so I’m sure I will nail this! Also, so far this week I went driving with Elvin twice. God bless his soul, he is such a great and patient teacher! And I feel a bit more confident about my capacity for driving. This is happening! 🙂

P.S. I’m thinking about adding a fun Instagram widget here, what are your thoughts?

Despre starea de bine

August 3, 2015 § Leave a comment

Am mai povestit aici despre acea perioada aproape ireala din viata mea in care simteam ca totul merge ca pe roate, eu aveam energie nelimitata si daramam munti cu entuziasmul meu. Perioada aceea a trecut si mi-a fost tare greu sa inteleg ca nu mai sunt ce-am fost si probabil nici nu voi mai reveni la acea Sinziana… dar… poate ca o sa ajung la o versiune mult, mult mai buna a ei. 🙂

Ma simteam prinsa in niste… liane de care nu stiam cum sa scap. Nu prea ma puteam misca din loc, dar pe masura ce ma adanceam in mlastina aia, furia ca nu voi mai iesi niciodata la lumina, disperarea de a fi bine din nou puneau stapanire pe mine. De fapt, lianele erau doar convingerile mele auto-limitative. Ma pricepeam foarte bine la un lucru… sa ma tin pe loc, sa pun si mai multa greutate si presiune pe mine, ca sa ma afund si mai tare in mlastina. Si desigur ca vedeam realitatea cu ochelarii pe care eu singura mi-I alesesem.

In realitate, in perioada mea de wonder-woman de acum cativa ani reuseam sa fac mult mai multe, cu mult mai putin. Nu aveam asa de multe resurse ca acum, nici atat de mult sprijin, orizontul imi era cu siguranta mai limitat, si totusi eram o forta de neoprit. Secretul? Ratarea si insuccesul nu erau optiuni reale pentru mine. Desigur, ma gandeam ca poate nu o sa obtin bursa la master la Londra, m-am dat de ceasul mortii si cu licenta, dar in realitate astea erau mofturi, eu stiam una si buna: o sa reusesc, orice ar fi. Imi spuneam obsesiv, de fapt traiam acest adevar: orice s-ar intampla, va fi bine.

Si acum revin incet-incet la aceeasi stare de gratie, dar cu niste ani de experienta in spate. Abordarea cea mai potrivita? Asteptari cat mai mici. Si prin asta nu vreau sa spun aspiratii marunte, vise in alb-negru, ci doar atat: fac tot ce depinde de mine, dar nu ii mai incarc pe altii cu proiectiile mele. Astept sa vad ce mi se intampla, lucrez cu ceea ce am la indemana, stiind in acelasi timp ca ma voi descurca perfect in orice situatie. Acum mi-e clar… eu sunt genul de om care poate scoate din cuptor o minunatie de desert dintr-un ou, lapte, zahar, faina si unt, dar produc o opera de arta si daca imi dai pe mana piure de maracuja, beurre sale si marsala. Cu alte cuvinte, fac fata cu brio oricarei provocari, fara stress si presiune… dar cu mult zambet si credinta de neclintit ca totul este si va fi bine.

 

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