November 29, 2015 § Leave a comment
The skies are still cracking open making room for a new morning to unfold. I’m already up and sipping my lemon water, feeling the bliss of the day with every ounce of my being. I lit a candle and wrote down the intention for the day:
to give love and peace and understanding to every human being that will cross my path today. to do good. to create and nourish my body and my mind. to nurture a sense of safety, belonging and kindness in my home, with my loved ones.
With this I take a sip of coffee, lace up my shoes and run out the door. Our house is in the heart of the woods, somewhat secluded but still easily accessible. This place is everything I really wanted – I get so much inspiration from being in nature every day! From the terrace I can see the mountains and it takes me exactly 10 seconds to be with my beloved pine woods.
I run every day, for at least an hour. I wake up early because I need this time to myself – this is when I create, this is when the world shows its magic. I’ve come a long way with exercise – from not being able to run more than 8 minutes at a time, I now run at least 2 marathons per year and lift weights. We’re still in the habit of playing squash once per week and I can tell I have gotten so much stronger and agile! Very often I find myself on the mat doing yoga – and what joy this is!
When I’m back home, I finish my coffee and smile. Yes, smile. My life is perfect with all of its imperfections. I am grateful for everything. So, so grateful! So I sit down and write for a good 40 minutes, without stopping. I just let it all out, like a big breath out. Sometimes the breath is a sigh, sometimes it’s a yawn, sometimes it’s a shout. I let it all out.
I’ve established a coaching practice. I doubted myself so much but I still made it happen. The foundation for this is solid: to allow the person in front of me to open up, to listen without judging, to create a safe environment where they can say what needs to be said and do what needs to be done. I’m there to listen, to hold a mirror, to ask questions, to be quiet, to serve. Clients come to my ‘office’ – we have coffee or we go for a walk. Sometimes they want to do gardening with me, sometimes they just want to sit on the floor in my office. I’m pretty casual. Sometimes I’d have a coaching call while lounging in my PJs. 🙂 I lend my clients books, or sometimes offer them gifts. A gift could be a dozen freshly baked cookies, or a spa voucher, or my shoulder to cry on.
I also travel; I’ve always loved going places and meeting new people, but I’ve learned my limits early on and I respect them making sure to balance travelling with being at home. I get invited to conferences as a guest speaker or I give key notes at universities. I also work in the corporate world – something which I know consider a house of cards. It makes me smile when I enter an office in a skyscraper; what used to intimidate me now makes me laugh. I’m going easy on myself and it’s probably because I’m so relaxed and happy-go-lucky that I’m also very successful and well respected. Money is not an issue, so it just comes to me and I’m really good at managing it. I have a great executive presence – when I enter the boardroom I know I am being noticed immediately.
Being a coach in my private practice or in the corporate world allows me to touch lives, to hold people’s hearts in my palms even if for just a brief moment. I crave that intimacy, the moment when we both ‘know’. I’ve learned that when people feel you ‘get them’, that’s when they start opening up their wings and living to their maximum potential, extending it every day. Sometimes though I can’t do much because the person in front of me is a rock and it would take years for my ‘water’ to be able to carve out anything in them. And that’s okay, I no longer take such instances as a personal failure. I don’t take it personal anymore.
In fact, both success and failure are external to me. I don’t judge my life or others’ life in this binary fashion. Rather than that, I ask myself and them: ‘Are you living according to your own values? Does your heart sing with joy or wallow in sadness? What needs to change in your life so that the melody of your heart can change too?’. I’ve learned that achieving balance in life is one of the most difficult, but also most beautiful quests. I no longer struggle in that quest. I simply live.
I’m writing a book. In my head I’ve been writing books for a long time. I don’t entertain the thought of my book being a best-seller (but it might as well as be). Instead, my intention is to create space, allow oxygen, encourage expansion of the heart and mind. With a little bit of kick and sassiness, because after all that’s who I am, and a whole lot of mystery.
Life has been and continues to be so good to me – an outpouring of love, chances to learn and stretch myself. What a priviledge to be alive and marvel at all this! Slowly being born with each passing moment, slowly dieing, so I lift my head up to the sky and give thanks for everything.
October 12, 2015 § Leave a comment
I don’t have quick fixes for those moments when everything seems to go south. I can’t tell you that drinking a glass of water or running a 5k will help (although secretly I know they do). In my job I often meet people who feel stuck in different ways. I come across lots of stories every day and sometimes, I even hold hearts in my hand, even if only for a brief moment. I see contentment, drive and crazy passion. I also see disappointment, victimization, low self-esteem and laziness.
It’s okay – I’m not trying to change anyone. But if I see a small flicker of fire in someone, I will do anything in my power to ignite it. Sometimes, if I’m really lucky, people will tell me that talking to me was like taking a big gulp of fresh air – and that makes me more happy than anything. Knowing that I can change someone’s life for the better, even if for an inkling, is what makes me wake up every day.
To me, people are either like rocks or like rivers.
Rocks are solid, fixed, almost immovable. They have a certain inertia and there’s something ultimately sad about them. People use rocks to climb on them or rest on them, but ultimately, rocks are there to be passed. They are the foundation for something else and change very slowly in time, under the influence of external climatic factors.
Rivers, on the other hand, are fluid, flexible and strong (although liquid – how crazy is that?). They create the course of things and find a way to move forward even when they are stopped. They transform and they come back. They are there to nourish and cleanse. Water is the essence of life.
If you had a choice, what would it be? Rock… or river?
July 30, 2015 § Leave a comment
Intrerupem programul artistic pentru ca ne macina niste intrebari (da, altele decat ieri).
Sa zicem ca avem un cuplu: el o iubeste pe ea, ea la fel pe el. Sunt niste fiinte minunate si luate individual, si compus. Au trecut prin multe incercari care le-au sudat relatia, dar se simt puternici si au planuri de viitor impreuna. Se casatoresc, fac si copii, oh ce minune. Si acolo se rupe filmul. Intre un scutec schimbat, baita lu’ ala micu, un piure de fructe aterizat pe gresie, nopti nedormite sau somn franjurat, ea ajunge sa zaca intr-o balta de epuizare, el la fel. Amandoi muncesc, amandoi jongleaza cu niste zeci de mingiute in fiecare zi. Copiii sunt pe primul plan, evident. Apoi munca, ca deh, cineva trebuie sa plateasca si facturile si in plus, sa nu uitam pasiunea pentru zisul job…
Dorm cu copiii intre ei. La restaurant copiii – tot intre ei. Unul hraneste fata, celalalt baiatul. Privirile lor se intalnesc tot mai rar, eventual se intreaba ‘unde e suzeta, si de ce nu ai luat tricicleta?’. Poate ca ea nu si-a mai facut manichiura de ceva vreme, si nici cu tocuri nu s-a mai incaltat. Poate ca el a uitat de prea multe ori sa vina cu o floare acasa sau pur si simplu sa o surprinda cu cina la un restaurant. Momentele de intimitate s-au imputinat pana la inexistenta. Ea incepe sa il urasca in secret pentru ca simte ca nu primeste suficient ajutor, el incepe (tot in secret) sa se uite in alte ‘parti’, mai tinere, mai slabe, mai pe tocuri, si mai pline de admiratie fata de el, masculul feroce. Ea a devenit femeiabunalatoate, intinsa in toate directiile ca guma de mestecat, poate cu un picior intr-o depresie si cu celalalt in uitare-de-sine. El nu se mai simte dorit, apreciat si nu reuseste sa vada femeia iubita din personajul feminin care odata intrata pe usa, arunca poseta, leapada deux-pieceul si se strecoara la bucatarie, printre urlete de copii care cer atentie, rosii si castraveti, desene animate si jucarii.
Amandoi sufera. Si suferinta asta mocnita, care rabufneste la intervale regulate, poate dura ani si ani. Desigur, ani presarati cu infidelitatile lui si cu dorintele ei secrete de a evada, de a lasa totul in urma si a o lua de la capat altundeva. Ea regreta decizia de a se marita cu el, candva barbatul vietii ei, pentru ca uite, se dovedeste a fi la fel cu toti ceilalti gicagogumarinel. El… se descurca asa cum poate, evadand din propria viata episodic, in bratele alteia. Cert e ca nu mai ramane nimic din ce a fost candva, scanteia dintre ei e acum un foc mocnit, pe duca. Poate inca merg impreuna pe drumul vietii, dar orizontul arata diferit pentru fiecare dintre ei. Nici unul nu mai stie cine este el insusi, si cu atat mai putin cine e celalalt.
Si, au trait fericiti pana la adanci batraneti?