Playing it safe

January 22, 2016 § 4 Comments

apus

Not going skiing because well.. you’re not really good at it. And you need to do shopping, bake a brownie, go for a run. But mainly because you think you don’t really look good on that slope.

Not asking for something (anything) because you are positive you ain’t gonna get it. A salary raise. Or a job. Or a night off.

Not going to an interview or a date or simply to brunch with a friend. Because you think you’re not pretty enough. Thin enough. Competent enough. Interesting enough. You are just not enough.

Not daring to take the damn driving lessons because you’re afraid you will kill someone or suck at driving. Well, guess what, you not even trieing sucks big time (how’s that for added guilt?).

Telling lies because the truth is too uncomfortable.

Dreaming small and achieving even smaller. Staying put and comfortable in your own little artificial bubble and thinking no one can see you’re hiding out.

Being silent because you talking can make people uncomfortable.

Being nice. Accommodating. Smiling and helpful and hopeful and kind. Happy go lucky against your better judgement.

Shame. Guilt. Fear. Can you say that again?

Actually being your biggest, worst, most dreadful judge.

So what are you missing out on?

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§ 4 Responses to Playing it safe

  • Daniela E. says:

    Long time no see…I’m finally crawling out, the month is almost ending and I can finally breath, New job, new city, new home and the hustle of moving in with the added pregnancy has been brutal, I feel wiped out and grateful that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, soon I’ll be staying home just watching my belly grow…Maybe it’s just that I’m tired, but I think a bit of mercy towards ourselves is not that bad…in our heart of hearts, we all know our shortcomings and the reason why we do some things the way we do, we know we could do better, but we remain in our shell… Motivation is great but don’t bring yourself down, change usually doesn’t come from feeling guilty. There are moments when we need to be kind to ourselves, to patch the wounds and be more patient with our rythm of change….if you really want it, it will come, just maybe not as fast as you want it.

    • Sinziana says:

      Dear Daniela, welcome back! As usual, I am so impressed with your words of wisdom, they were like a balm to me. It’s true that so often we self-sabotage, we play against ourselves, beat ourselves up and judge, judge, judge… The wounds are deep.

      I’m happy you’re finally settling down and hope that you find comfort and solace and can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. When are you due? 🙂

      • Daniela E. says:

        We’re expecting our baby boy to show his little nose on the 24th of May 🙂 Thanks for welcoming me back! Although I wasn’t able to write a piece on the Christmas holidays as we discussed, maybe I’ll be writing something on my ongoing pregnancy. What do you think, would you be interested in something like that?

      • Sinziana says:

        Hi Daniela! First of all, my apologies for being sooooo late with this reply! I have been away from the blog, away from home, away from my life even. But I’m back and YES, I would LOVE LOVE LOVE it if you wrote a blog post about your pregnancy. In fact, if I can be really daring… I would love a series of blog posts from you. Pregnancy is quite a theme for me these days (no hint) and I am really eager to find out about your journey. However I realize you are extremely busy and tired these days, so… whatever you feel like writing and however much time you have for this, it would be an honour for me to host a glimpse of your story on this blog. Thank you so much for this!

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