December 10, 2015 § 2 Comments

It was when I told my client that we must rise above our circumstances that he seemed startled. But what started as surprise soon turned into full-blown irritation and he retorted that I have no right to pass judgement about his personal circumstances. And boom! that was the end of that conversation.
I’m a big believer that the input matters less than your reaction to it. In other words, life always gives you a bunch of stuff to work with – some of that is good and some of it is a disaster; proportions of these two elements will be different for everyone. But what really sets us apart is what we decide to do with what is laid before us.
Before you start thinking this is a self-help lecture, let me just say this: I’m opposed to victimisation because I felt like a victim for a long time and I know it’s a hollow, boring place to be. When I see someone justifying their life based on the ugly stuff that happened to them I get a bit agitated, if not frustrated.
I’ve dwelled in some shape or form of suffering for quite some time and the signpost of that is the question ‘Why me?’. However at some point I decided I don’t want to be an inhabitant of Victimhood anymore and made a move to the Now What land.
I know this sounds a bit wacky, but stay with me…

Suffering doesn’t just go away in the Now What world, but it is transformed. When you leave Victimhood you start looking at your life from several different perspectives. One of them is Ownership and it starts when you stop making other people responsible for the crap you’re experiencing. I love Ownership, because it makes me feel empowered. Living with Ownership is a chance to make the world your kingdom and live according to your rules, perhaps even see if the others are happy to dance to your tune.
Another perspective is Commitment – this is a great anchor and a sure way for you to always come back to what really matters. I see it as a tank that is always full for you and where you can replenish your resources to make things happen.
I also love the Vulnerable perspective: here you are sure to remain raw, exposed and sweetly so. It’s also where you know it is okay – all okay.
Acceptance – this one is big for me as for a long time I rebelled against so much stuff! Most of it was around me feeling like I was not loved or appreciated, like I was not good enough or simply… like I was not enough. Acceptance means letting go and working with what is. It’s also a huge leap of confidence – trusting that whatever there is, it is as it should be. I’m still learning this one. 😉
You see, for me Now What means taking the bad, and terrible, and ugly and making it into pure-quality gold. It calls on so many of our qualities as humans and here’s where the rubber meets the road for me: I feel like we are here to learn, to serve and to practice certain qualities. Life doesn’t just happen to us, we somehow make it a reality, and if that reality doesn’t work for us, we have a choice: to accept it or to transform it. Letting life walk all over you is not a choice, it’s the consequence of signing out and giving up.

So say YES! Say yes to working towards that dream, to comfort with discomfort, to some degree of ambiguity. Two things in life seem immutably true: (1) we are all headed towards death and (2) we are all scholars of life.

And if you’re a scholar of life, what are you here to learn?


§ 2 Responses to The NOW WHAT

  • iuliaBe says:

    well I think that is a very complicated and sensitive subject; I’ve always said that in life you have to give people “mitigating circumstances” for their acts and words; we are all different, we have different stories and experiences, we have different mentalities, different values and most important, different characters…. and all of these contribute to define us as human beings
    so, me at least, I’m trying to see the others behaviours, not in relation with me exclusively; I’m trying to see the whole picture – usually people react on the others behaviours or words, only because you said them a truth, but they are not ready yet to hear it (something happened in their past or they had a bad experience or they have some preconceptions they are trying to get rid of them); or because they have seen in you a behaviour they are trying to deny it or not to recognize it in themselves;

    • Sinziana says:

      That’s right, Iulia and thank you for this comment! We are mirrors to other people and this means a lot of things. What I didn’t recognize was that in the moment my client was not ready to make the leap and see what is beyond his circumstances. He wanted to dwell on that story for some time and I wanted to help him open up to something else. He was focused on the past, I was focused on the future, but none of us was in the present. 🙂
      A big lesson learned for me to NOT have expectations of people anymore, even when it’s about them, not me…

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