January 23, 2015 § Leave a comment
I’m not particularly kind to myself. In fact, I’m quite ruthless. I can make myself do things I would never ask of other people. Sometimes it feels like the adult in me is beating up the inner child. I have to do everything, I have to be everything, everywhere. I need to be perfect, perfectly on time. And if I fail, I suffer. I cry and fall into despair. Feels like I’m rolling into an abyss so deep that nothing can bring me back up.
These past few days have been painfully long and stressful. Very long hours working, all kinds of stressors, worrying about things that need to be accomplished at the same time (and I’m good at multi-tasking), the stress of constant travelling and being completely out of my comfort zone for long stretches of time.
Some say that learning really happens when you are out of your comfort zone. I would agree. However when ‘out of your comfort zone’ starts to resemble a boot camp which goes on for a long time, things start getting out of whack and into terrible imbalance.
Right now I’ve got a terrible pain in my neck and shoulders. My eyes hurt and I feel exhausted. I’m disappointed I had to postpone a course I was really looking forward to. I’m stressed about deadlines, the unknown and someone in my life who is a very bad, but demanding teacher.
Normally I would roll into a corner and cry myself out to exhaustion, but I have decided to show myself some compassion and kindness. I:
– am working from home today, which was badly needed
– am taking it slowly
– will treat myself kindly tomorrow: freshly squeezed veggie juice in the morning, yoga, sleep. And yes, working and studying too.
My challenge is: can I be less of a warrior and more of a friend to myself?