Momente

January 30, 2015 § Leave a comment

E vineri si ma imbat cu gustul libertatii. Dupa ce am ajuns acasa aproape de miezul noptii ieri, azi mi-am mutat biroul in pat. Langa mine – ramasitele unei cafele cu scortisoara. Afara ninge persistent, si eu ma bucur ca un copil. Am pe foc o supa de dovlecei cu somon (de inspiratie norvegiana, da?) si planuri mari pentru week-end: in seara asta ma vad cu prietenii printre rafturi de supermarket, maine schi, duminica brunch downtown cu o prietena si mult studiu.

Si mai am niste surprize… 🙂

‘Oh my life is changing every day, in every possible way…’

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No reservations

January 28, 2015 § Leave a comment

Magic happens in the office on a random Wednesday at 22:10 pm. You’re all alone and working on a monster spreadsheet which you are going to feed into an important report for your boss. 48 hours ago you were drunk on sadness, now you you’re drunk on

You are lucky, you know why?

January 27, 2015 § Leave a comment

This is what the man on the street told me today.

It was snowing and I was wearing my high heeled stilettos, balancing my purse, laptop bag and umbrella, watching my step, tears starting to form in my eyes, tights glued to my wet legs. But in a moment of serendipity, this stranger walking past me blurted out:

‘You are lucky, you know why?’

Then he disappeared in the falling snow and I didn’t look back.

I could look for 10000 reasons why I’m lucky, but I will not.

So here I am in this hotel room in Paris, an empty bottle of Coke on my nightstand, unfinished salad on the table and I’m thinking all I really want is for someone to get me. Sometimes I go to this weird place that feels infinitely sad. I call it the void and I’ve visited it quite a number of times. I could die every time I got there but surprisingly, I never do.

——————————————————————————————————————————————-What goes down must go up and so I’m climbing my way up again. Some lessons I’ve learned…

Nothing is forever and when it feels hard, don’t walk away. Find a way to stay with it. But don’t walk away.

Everything happens for a reason and the more absurd it feels, the more abundant the reason.

Pain is dense. Can you find a way to still fly with it.

Have patience until things turn around, because they will. And then they will again.

Maybe my lesson is to endure with presence and patience until pain becomes comfortable. Make friends with the uncomfortable, tame it like you would a wild animal.

 

Setting intentions

January 25, 2015 § Leave a comment

One of the intentions I set on NYE was to devote more time to myself – be it sleeping, relaxing, exercising, hobbies or any form of self-growth that felt good. Let’s just say that so-far this has not happened. 🙂 But the power of written intentions is huge, as I have so often experienced. So let’s see…

what do I want more of? I want more time for myself and the things that are important to me. More exercise, more sleep, more free time (the kind where you can afford the luxury to say ‘what do I really want to do today?’ and then go out and do it). More pampering – there, I said it. More staying at home and nurturing it. More time spent with the ones I love. A friendlier work environment where you don’t feel like you’re stepping on broken glass most of the time.

What do I want less of? Less stress, less rushing, and shaming and blaming. Less worrying. Less sleepless nights. Less procrastination. Less panic. Less busy-ness around the clock.

What do I want to keep? An exciting and challenging job. Travel that I actually enjoy. Developing my friendships. Keep working on those relationships that matter in my life. Basically, I want everything I have now, but less intense. I don’t want to burn the candle at both ends. traffic lights

Reminder to self: nothing lasts forever!

Inviting kindness

January 23, 2015 § Leave a comment

I’m not particularly kind to myself. In fact, I’m quite ruthless. I can make myself do things I would never ask of other people. Sometimes it feels like the adult in me is beating up the inner child. I have to do everything, I have to be everything, everywhere. I need to be perfect, perfectly on time. And if I fail, I suffer. I cry and fall into despair. Feels like I’m rolling into an abyss so deep that nothing can bring me back up.

These past few days have been painfully long and stressful. Very long hours working, all kinds of stressors, worrying about things that need to be accomplished at the same time (and I’m good at multi-tasking), the stress of constant travelling and being completely out of my comfort zone for long stretches of time.

Some say that learning really happens when you are out of your comfort zone. I would agree. However when ‘out of your comfort zone’ starts to resemble a boot camp which goes on for a long time, things start getting out of whack and into terrible imbalance.

Right now I’ve got a terrible pain in my neck and shoulders. My eyes hurt and I feel exhausted. I’m disappointed I had to postpone a course I was really looking forward to. I’m stressed about deadlines, the unknown and someone in my life who is a very bad, but demanding teacher.

Normally I would roll into a corner and cry myself out to exhaustion, but I have decided to show myself some compassion and kindness. I:

– am working from home today, which was badly needed

– am taking it slowly

– will treat myself kindly tomorrow: freshly squeezed veggie juice in the morning, yoga, sleep. And yes, working and studying too.

My challenge is: can I be less of a warrior and more of a friend to myself?

Probabil ca o sa regret ca scriu asta aici…

January 21, 2015 § Leave a comment

… dar ce faci cand ai o stare de ‘sa-mi bag piciorul’?
desigur, as putea sa insir aici cuvinte multe despre cum ma simt sugrumata de atatea treburi si griji, si-n acelasi timp frustrata si iritata.
imi vine sa-mi pun poalele in cap, sa fac vreo 10000 de ice bucket challenges.
life sucks.

A life worth living

January 13, 2015 § Leave a comment

sun
This has been on my mind lately. Amidst interminable to-do lists, complications, angst and a whole lotta plans, I am asking myself what it takes to make your mark in life.
My career so far is not life-changing. I am not saving anyone’s life, nor I am making it much better. Life tends to be very transactional and operational – you put in effort, you get out results. You build your life brick by brick and sometimes the building is detonated and blown away in a second – an illness, losing a loved one, a painful break-up or a natural calamity.
But most of the time we live our lives as if each day is similar to the other.
Sometimes I stop and look at myself – all the debris in my life. Will this fight with my boyfriend matter 5 years from now? Will this nasty email I got make any difference in 10 years’ time?
Most of the time the answer is a big fat ‘no’.

I vividly remember certain events in my life. My dear friend Sabino, whom I have not seen in 10 years but who is very much on my mind. My friend Karin who took my heart, doctored it and gave it a new shine. I will never forget some moments of breakthrough. Help from my friends. My first kiss with the one who is now my… fiancĂ© (yep, that is quite a story). My sister’s warmth and love and encouragement.

Maybe I will never have a huge impact on the world and do something life-changing.
But I know that I can warm hearts with my smile, be good to people and be the best at what I do.

Where Am I?

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